Book Review: Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, Mcmillan & Switzler

This book has the subtitle "Tools for talking when the stakes are high" and I found there was not a single page that disappointed me. Part way reading through the book I thought this is all common sense, and of course a lot of it is. However, the authors are showing and telling in an extremely compelling manner that you just can't help going "aha", oh-yes", "of course" every few minutes. My copy is full of notes, highlighter marks and pages turned over.

So what's the meat in the book?

At its heart is a dialogue model which is about me and the other and how we each act, feel, tell a story and see/hear. In our dialgue we are aiming to create a pool of shared meaning and there are a number of factors that impact this, such as safety, and silence (withdrawing, avoiding, masking) and violence (controlling, attacking, labelling). All this sounds cold in this description, what brings this book alive is the way the authors develop the model with the use of various tools and stories. It's impossible to read it anot feel connected yet at the same time feel empowered to do something about your next high stakes conversation.


You can download book chapters and sample MP3 audio from http://www.vitalsmarts.com/books_more.aspx . There is also the stress test to discover your style under stress.

Book Review: NO! How one simple word can transform your life, by Jana Kemp

This makes a change from all the "Yes, you can" books! It's basically about getting over the fear of saying now and taking control of any circumstance without negative consequences. A critical aspect as you might imagine is tone of voice and the author words hard to ensure we understand that it's critical we get this right - not too fast, too harsh and to make sure we choos the right words when we do mean it. It is also key to stick to your decision when you've make it.

Kemp has a model called the POWER of No which has an acronym from POWER: Purpose, options, when, emotional ties and rights/responsibilities. She suggests that using this acronym will help us to make a yes / no decision based on the right issues at the time. For me I find it a lot to think about when considering a yes/ no response online, though I suppose you get better at it with practice.

In essence the decision prcess goes like this
- think about the purpose and context of the decision
- what option do you have? What resources are available?
- when is it due? What is the deadline and can you meet it?
- be realistic about the emotional ties
- consider your rights and responsibilities

I'll be trying out some "No's"....

Coaching, feedback and behavioural tools - MBTI

So what tool or method do you use for your coaching practice or other organisational and improvement work?

Over my career I've been on the receiving end of a number and also tried a variety with different clients.  I've ended up using MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indicator) as my main method for helping others - to help themselves. My main reason is this tool is well evidenced, has been in place for decades and is used successfully in many countries. The evidence base is important for me as I believe it is necessary for healthcare to demonstrate the use of evidence-based techniques and tools.  The techniques can't be administered or debriefed unless you've been accreditated which means there is a consistent standard world-wide.

Other reasons I prefer MBTI:

• it is more than a one-off
• it can be scaled from individual through the team and organisation
• it works well to support change processes
• the evidence base, being huge, allows greater depth of understanding
• it is common enough that it provides a "language" for staff to use in times of difficulty

Do you know of or use other behavioural techniques which have an evidence base similar to MBTI and can also be scaled up in their use?